Doctor, can you find out if my husband is having an extramarital affair? Nowadays he does not show interest in me. As soon as he comes from office, he eats dinner, watches TV and drifts to sleep in front of the TV. I think he has lost interest in me and is having an affair,” Latha pleaded.
Sex, one of the most private and passionate interactions between two human beings, is said to bind them together physically and emotionally. It is no wonder then that various forms of sexual problems arise when lovemaking is restricted to a schedule.
Often monotony sets in within the institution of marriage or any other long-term sexual relationship with respect to partner, posture, timing, etc, and once the novelty factor wanes, other aspects of life gain more priority. During this time, sex is put on schedule and rather than the fun activity it once was, it becomes a duty to fulfil in a relationship. How are desire and erection expected to last when this is the case? The reality is, it doesn’t.
When either or both spouses return home late after a long day at work, they are physically tired. The woman usually has the additional responsibility of cooking dinner. In this situation, the tendency is to have a meal and go to sleep. The intention is there, but the body refuses to respond as it needs rest. Couples will face difficulties with their sexual functioning if they restrict sex to night.
The ideal time for sex, like any other physical activity, is when the body has rested adequately. Now is the time to overcome traditional notions about sex with regard to time. However, in a joint family system, couples may not be able to have sex whenever they wish. Newly-married couples may find it embarrassing to close their bedroom door when other family members are around. Also, in a traditional Indian household where the women wake up early and do their chores together, late-night or early-morning sex may not work out. In a nuclear family set-up, there are the demands of getting the children ready for school and travelling to workplaces that are far from home. When the children are allowed to sleep with the parents, sex becomes a quick and quiet affair. In such situations, instead of neglecting the children or sex, the couple can get creative and find ways to not let sex take a backseat.
The most important thing to note is that there is no steadfast rule to follow. The couple must keep in mind their partners' feelings and sexual needs. What works for some may not work for all.
The beauty and speed of a horse that is allowed a free rein are beyond compare; the same is true of sex. Take down the fence and you will see.