More articles by

Dr D Narayana Reddy
Dr D Narayana Reddy


Coming of age

Unrealistic expectations can mar a marriage. Being non-judgmental can add quality to love life

Sharan fails to attain erection as frequently as he would want to. This makes him worry that his manhood is deserting him, gradually. Sharan’s is a case of unrealistic expectations. At 50, he fails to recognise the impact of ageing on the quality of erection.

Age is one of the many factors that influence the body’s ability to match the mind’s sexual desires. The resultant performance anxiety often leads to a fear of failure. This anxiety, if left unattended, can cause sexual disorders. Health professionals often come across cases where the spouse (often the man) has spent most of his teenage and early adult years watching or reading porn. In time, he tends to believe that sex is what is depicted in porn. The size of the penis, the duration of the act (for hours together), the response of the women, all become the yardstick. When his own performance does not match up to those distorted standards, the man develops an inferiority complex that can lead to marital difficulties.

This can be alarming if he routinely watches videos in which violence or extreme sexual positions are demonstrated. The individual’s partner is often mortified by what is expected of her sexually. It is important to note that professional adult film makers are paid to enact a fantasy world of one’s sexual desires. These depictions are well planned-out scenes with props as well as a number of retakes to make the scene ‘perfect’.

Those who watch such depictions must be made aware that although entertaining, and in some cases informative, these are mere fantasies. It is unrealistic to expect their unwilling partners to engage in such acts.

In most cases, men are aroused by visual stimuli and attain erection as a sign of peaked sexual desire. Often, they expect their partners to feel aroused by their erection. In reality, women require additional stimuli, including tactile and gustatory incentives, to become aroused.

Keeping channels of communication open can help a couple understand each other’s likes and dislikes. Speaking in a non-judgmental and non-critical manner and thus knowing what to expect and what not to will go a long way in improving a couple’s love life.

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Topics : #health

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