Considering the number of conflicts around the world which the United States has engineered, instigated or participated in with gusto, it’s strange that four of its presidents and one vice-president have bagged the Nobel Peace Prize. Now, 119 years after President Theodore Roosevelt began the peace prize pageant, America could have a possible fifth laureate – Mr Donald Trump.
President Trump’s track record in nipping wars in the bud and promoting peace is unmatched in world history. Even Mother Teresa or Saint Teresa (one of the two Indians who won the Nobel Peace Prize) doesn’t come close. But alas, we live in a world that is miserly when it comes to giving credit where it’s due, and Trump knows it well. So, he reasoned it would pay to marshal global support for his candidature.
Endorsement for Trump as prime mover of peace has come from the two leaders best qualified for the job: Pakistan’s freshly promoted Chief of Staff Field Marshal Azim Munir and Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu. The Swedish Academy doesn’t accept posthumous recommendations, otherwise he would have got the needful from Attila the Hun and Genghis Khan. The testimonials were topped off with a personal note from President Trump to the Academy.
‘Gentlemen,’ his letter began, ‘the number of wars I have stopped are there for all to see – India and Pakistan, Thailand and Cambodia, Kosovo and Serbia, Armenia and Azerbaijan, Israel and Iran, Egypt and Ethiopia, Rwanda and Congo. You see, I am good at this thing – in fact, I’m the best in the world. Some of the countries mentioned were not sure they were at war with each other until I stepped in and stopped them. That’s how lucky the world is!’
‘There are other ways I have contributed to world peace. I have prevented conflict even before the soldiers reached for their guns. For instance, I’ve made everyone so angry with America by playing jiggery-pokery with their tariffs that they stopped squabbling with each other and began seeing the good points about their neighbours. India, for instance, is discovering that China isn’t as bad as they thought. Those world leaders who are not squabbling are laughing. That helps too. You cannot fight the good fight when you are doubled up laughing.’
The letter ended with a somewhat ominous postscript: ‘If I am denied the trophy that I deserve this year, I will be constrained to consider other measures.’
Public speculation is rife. What would those measures mean? Will he send in the National Guard to Stockholm or Oslo? Will he bomb the Academy into submission?
All options are open. And if nothing works, there’s always the trump card. With his penchant for associating his name with his merchandise (remember the Trump Taj Mahal?), he can easily buy out the institution giving the awards. So, if he doesn’t bag the prize this year, make way in 2026 for the ‘Trumpobel Prize’ for the betterment of humankind.
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author’s and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of THE WEEK.
