We’ve got it all wrong. The incident at Shanghai Airport on November 21 was beautifully explained to me by a PR Chap (PRC) of the Chinese Communist Party. This is how the illuminating dialogue went:
PRC: Indians getting it wrong. In fact, Ms Prema Wangjom Thongdok is newly-appointed brand ambassador of China Tourism.
Me: Oh, that’s nice! But why does China need a brand ambassador for tourism?
PRC: Look at numbers. Last year the number of Indians who travelled to China was just around 1,40,000.
Me: I guess more Indians prefer Japan - it’s a lovely tourist destination. And then, their prime minister is the elegant Sanae Takaichi while your president looks congenitally constipated.
PRC: We are going to change all that - with help from Ms Pema.
Me: But she was detained at Shanghai Airport for 18 hours.
PRC: You see, we are loving her too much. We could not bear to see her go.
Me: Also, officials of China Eastern Airline and the Immigration guys got together and mocked Pema.
PRC: No, we cracking little jokes. To make friendly company, like good club.
Me: Ah, such wit!
PRC: Other countries are saying to Indians - don’t overstay. We are saying: Stay over, stay over.
Me: But you didn’t give her any food.
PRC: All misunderstanding.
Me: Frankly, by not offering her food, you were doing her a favour. Authentic Chinese food is inedible. And when she asked for water, you told her to go and get it herself.
PRC: Yes, so she sees more of our beautiful Shanghai airport.
Me: But what happened two years ago with the incursions at Galawan?
PRC: Oh, no. We were not invading. We were trying to come closer to Indians and embracing them - all part of our charm offensive.
Me: And why did you start giving Chinese names to Indian villages and hills earlier this year?
PRC: Nicknames. We like Indian places so much, we are giving them pet names.
Me: Ah, how nice to have friends like you!
PRCC: We also making so many things for Indian market especially during festival season.
Me: Yes, but you make stuff that doesn’t last. You buy a Chinese gadget on Dhanteras, it conks out before Bhai Dhooj.
PRC: Oh, yes. We make cheap so that you need to come to us again and again.
Me: What a great way of building bonds! One gadget at a time. When that conks out, we come again and buy another, then another. That’s continuous customer engagement.
PRC: Trust all misunderstanding cleared up. And you will respond to the Great Call of China.
Me: Am so happy. We were about to protest by refusing to play cricket with you.
PRC: But we not playing cricket anyway.
Me: Ah, so let’s play Chinese Checkers. And get your brand ambassador as referee.
