There are a couple of differences between the Mahakumbh Mela at Prayagraj and the Maha Trumbh Mela at the White House.
You go to Triveni Sangam to wash away your sins. You go to Washington DC to wash away other people’s sins… or more specifically, the sins of your enemies. In fact, that’s what poor Zelenskyy was trying to do all along. As the President of the USA told us, all that Zelenskyy could say was – “…Putin this, Putin that.”
In the course of cleaning up the misdeeds of your foes, there is obviously going to be a pile of dirty linen to be washed because while the House may be white, the linen isn’t. The proper way of doing it is behind closed doors. But POTUS believe that’s a missed opportunity. If dirty linen is to be washed, it’s best done in public, on a podium in a stadium. A battery of media reporters will be at hand to cover every stain, every smear. Such extreme transparency can make your opponents wince.
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After you have made waves doing your dubki at the sacred confluence, you learn to be more forgiving of people. Trump on the other hand, believes forgiving people is a waste of time. In fact, it’s the opportune moment to repeat the wrongs that have been going on. He said that Joe Biden is ‘not so smart’. He reminded Zelenskyy that ‘Obama gave you sheets (medical-related equipment and services), I gave you javelins (missile-launchers)’. He also repeated that Ukraine held no winning cards. Clearly, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. If you have extended help in the past, now is the time to take full advantage.
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Most people who returned from the Sangam came back wearing suitably beatific expressions. They have seen the light and discovered their inner Swami Parmananda. That’s what happens when your burden of sins has been lifted. (Look how relieved Mr Adani appeared.) But there was no such luck in Washington. As the loyal, eagle-eyed, JD Vance pointed out, Zelenskyy did not look sufficiently grateful – and $350 million needs a lot of gratitude. So he was duly pummelled and came out looking like what he really was - a beaten man.
And finally, at Prayagraj, the catering is much more reliable. After all, it was sponsored by Adani and ISKCON. There was the kind of mouthwatering stuff you got at the old Purohit of Mumbai: dal, chole, rajma and vegetables. The meal was topped off with boondi ladu or halwa. At the White House, they had Zelensky keema for lunch!
Put it all together and Maha Kumbh tops Maha Trumbh. At least your lunch won’t be whisked away before your eyes and fed to the press.
