She was barely 12 when her parents gave her a refurbished smartphone, allowing her an hour of screen time every evening. By 13, without their knowledge, she had created an Instagram account. An only child, she was wrapped in affection; to anyone looking in, her parents were her closest friends.
Yet when the family walked into the emergency room of a private hospital in Kochi, the quiet distance between them became painfully clear. She had been complaining of severe abdominal pain, which her parents assumed was just a stomach ache.
Shortly after arriving at the casualty ward, the teenager asked to use the restroom. She returned a while later, trying to act as though nothing had happened. Soon after, the sanitisation staff made a harrowing discovery in the washroom: a six-month-old foetus.
Unbeknownst to her parents, the teenager had been carrying a hidden pregnancy and had miscarried alone in the lavatory.
Academic success may no longer be what keeps modern parents awake at night. Today, the real anxiety runs deeper and can be frightening. Parents are raising children in a landscape so unfamiliar that bridging the distance to their inner lives feels almost impossible. It is that haunting disconnect, the unknowable space inside a child’s world, that truly keeps parents up at night.
Another teen’s threat to her mother in Kolkata was the stuff of nightmares. “I will tell everyone my father raped me,” she told her mother. Her mother still remembers the day her teenage daughter spiralled out of control. The catalyst was nothing more than a simple “no” to scrolling Instagram reels.
“It was the first time she had behaved that way,” her mother says. She had an exam the next day. “I was on the phone with my husband, telling him that she was on her mobile instead of studying.” He suggested taking the phone away and urging her to focus on her books. That was when things escalated. Her daughter flew into a rage, smashing the living room decor and attempting to destroy the television.
She screamed that no one cared about her feelings. Stunned by the raw anger, her mother gently suggested she talk to her father. That was when the teenager uttered words that chilled her to the core: “I don’t want to talk to that man. I hate him. I will tell everyone he raped me; that will teach him a lesson.”
Scenarios like this are becoming disturbingly common. Essential awareness campaigns have rightly taught children and teens to recognise sexual abuse, a devastating reality that frequently occurs in domestic spaces. Yet an unforeseen consequence has emerged: growing familiarity with legal mechanisms is occasionally weaponised, leaving some teens willing to levy catastrophic false allegations during acute distress or conflict.
A 13-year-old girl from Kerala’s Pathanamthitta district made headlines after alleging she was sexually abused by her classmates. A formal complaint was filed, but as police investigated, they found the story entirely fabricated. She had initially claimed over 10 individuals had assaulted her, naming six classmates as perpetrators. Police said she had made the allegations out of anger after her relationship with a boy ended.
Such incidents raise a troubling question about how we view this generation: what drives a child to make such a devastating claim—deep distress, a cry for help, or dangerous misdirection? And why are we failing to recognise what they are trying to tell us?
Unlocking the truth behind these desperate signals requires a closer look at the evolving adolescent brain, which is more complex than one might think. With modern technology, it has become unpredictable, too. Much has changed compared to three decades ago. A significant shift is the rise of digitalisation, which experts describe as digital immersion or adoption.
“The authority, experience and expertise that children and teenagers once sought from parents and other elders are now increasingly found in the digital space. While this has its advantages, it also comes with significant challenges,” says Zaileshia G., a clinical psychologist.
The evolving adolescent brain
One of the biggest breakthroughs in neuroscience is the discovery that the brain develops far longer than previously believed. For decades, scientists assumed the brain largely matured by 16 or 17—one reason 18 came to be regarded as the threshold of adulthood.
But brain imaging studies show the brain continues developing well into the mid-20s. Areas responsible for decision-making, impulse control and emotional regulation are among the last to mature, reshaping our understanding of adolescence.
“With the developmental lifespan extending, we no longer talk about the youth population as being 0 to 17 years old, but rather 0 to 25, or sometimes even up to 30,” says Dr Eesha Sharma, associate professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS), Bengaluru.
Development is influenced by far more than genetics. “It depends greatly on the environment in which children grow up—not just their families, but the wider society as well,” says Sharma.
After family, schools play a major role in shaping an adolescent’s life. According to Dr John Vijay Sagar Kommu, professor and head, child and adolescent psychiatry, NIMHANS, our education system is geared mostly towards academic performance.
“Academics are a source of stress for almost every adolescent, but not everyone is affected the same way. While many cope well, for some the pressure crosses a threshold and becomes overwhelming,” says Kommu.
Some adolescents experience behavioural or developmental challenges from early childhood, making early identification and intervention crucial. “For instance, if a child has attention deficit issues that go unaddressed, she is more likely to struggle with academic pressures during adolescence. Also, bullying can compound these challenges,” adds Kommu.
Support at home, in school
A recent NIMHANS study, ‘The Pathways to Resilience and Mental Health’, found that a supportive school environment can significantly improve children’s mental wellbeing, even with poor parenting at home. Children with behavioural problems who attended nurturing schools improved over time. Those lacking support at both home and school were more likely to experience persistent behavioural and emotional difficulties, underscoring the vital role schools play in building resilience.
“Most children who come to us don’t have a mental illness,” says Sharma. “They are not seeking help because they are ill, but because they are a poor fit for their environment.”
While awareness of mental distress has grown, seeking timely help remains a challenge. Experts stress that maternal depression, family dynamics, gender bias and relationship conflicts can all influence a child’s development, making a supportive, stress-free environment for mothers crucial from pregnancy itself.
“Mental health is still foreign to many, especially in the rural areas,” says Dr Pallavi Jha, a psychiatrist in Delhi. “Mental health conversations don’t start when one gets depressed. By the time a mental illness appears, vulnerabilities have often accumulated. Though our treatment is good at controlling symptoms, they are not curative. Interventions need to begin much earlier.”
Watch that stray comment, too
“If a child says, even in passing, that they have been raped—even if it is not meant in anger or as a joke—it should never be dismissed,” says Sharma. “Such statements are concerning and warrant careful attention. We have seen several such cases. Parents and caregivers need to recognise that children can express distress in different ways. Every expression of emotional distress deserves to be taken seriously and assessed appropriately.”
Children are not like adults; they don’t take time to plan or think through consequences. Gen Z is aware of every new digital tool, but how many life skills they have is the real question.
“Social media plays a significant role. It is important to know how much time a child spends online and who they interact with. Children who struggle to cope with stress may seek quick attention or validation through digital platforms. It is not just about the child or the parents—it is about the world the child inhabits, much of which parents may not even be aware of,” says Jha.
Sustained attention is declining as children grow accustomed to short, fast-paced, visually stimulating content. This makes them adept at skimming and multitasking, but also makes prolonged concentration increasingly difficult.
“Many children today have the patience of a social media reel—while a reel may run for two or three minutes, the average watch time is often just 15 seconds,” says Zaileshia. “They may enthusiastically begin a task but struggle to stay engaged long enough to complete it, unless there is a constant hook or reward to hold their attention. Only exciting things can keep them focused, but they are not able to understand that life is not about excitement all the time. Too much excitement will exhaust your brain, and in order to find a balance, it is important that they must engage in regular mundane things.”
Protest mode on
Gen Z kids look for constant activity or excitement. The Cockroach Janta Party’s protest at Jantar Mantar in Delhi, which attracted hundreds of students, is a case in point. Most had little fear of consequences, reacting intensely to something that directly affected them, unlike older generations.
Adolescence is a period when sensitivity to fairness, identity and peer influence is particularly heightened. This can make young people more willing to challenge authority and mobilise around issues they see as unjust. But it would be simplistic to dismiss Gen Z protests as mere teenage impulsiveness. Their activism also reflects a generation growing up amid social media, constant exposure to global crises and unprecedented access to information, allowing local grievances to rapidly become collective movements.
“For Gen Zs, the internet is a tool, unlike a medium we use for entertainment,” says Zaileshia. “Each meme carries a message. Like it or not, that is how things have changed.”
Early puberty and brain hijacking
Of late, puberty is hitting kids as early as 10, with real impact on the brain.
“As early as 10 years is worryingly very early for menarche. Early exposure to puberty hormones like estradiol has a huge impact on brain development. Such early neuroendocrine exposure results in early brain development. Grey matter reduction and cortical thinning happen in these areas,” says Dr Gaurav Kakkar, senior consultant & lead, neuro-anaesthesia and neurocritical care, Amrita Hospital, Faridabad.
Key early symptoms include stress, anxiety and psychosocial symptoms. “It is like the brain getting deep fried from a deep freeze state without getting thawed first,” explains Kakkar. “The mind is not ready for hormonal bursts and a changing body. Early menarche has to be prevented.”
One of the strongest evidence-backed reasons for rising early puberty, especially in girls, is childhood obesity. “Increased body fat signals the brain to produce hormones that can trigger the onset of puberty earlier than expected,” says Dr Anjali Kumar, director, obstetrics & gynaecology, CK Birla Hospital, Gurugram. “While genetics plays a role, modern lifestyle factors—diets high in processed and packaged food, refined sugars, processed fats and meats, along with sedentary habits and excessive screen exposure—are also contributing to the growing trend of early puberty.”
Endocrine disruptors are emerging as another important factor, says Kumar. “These chemicals, found in sources such as microplastics, cosmetics, pesticides and herbicides, can mimic the body’s natural hormones and promote changes associated with early puberty,” she says. “The effects of endocrine disruptors may extend beyond early puberty, as they can also contribute to irregular menstrual cycles and increase a child’s susceptibility to obesity later in life.”
Early puberty can bring a host of emotional and psychological changes, including confusion about identity and sexuality. Experts say some preteens may begin questioning their sexual orientation at a very young age, but caution against drawing firm conclusions before they have the time and maturity to understand their feelings.
“A 11-year-old may talk of being bisexual, but at that age they are still developing emotionally, cognitively and physically,” says Dr Indira R., a psychologist in Ahmedabad. “It is important not to rush to labels. Adolescence is a period of exploration, and the brain continues to mature well into the mid-20s.”
If a child expresses confusion about the sexual orientation, parents should respond with patience, keep communication open and avoid rushing to conclusions. If they feel unequipped to handle such conversations, guidance from a qualified mental health professional or doctor can help ensure the child receives accurate, age-appropriate support.
A tornado inside
There is always chaos inside a teen brain. Too much digital exposure changes how you perceive yourself. “You depend too much on other people to decide who you are. It is mostly driven by their social media likes, comments, desirability and acceptance,” says Zaileshia.
Another downside: most kids today lack clear goals. Even the concept of a job has changed. “With moonlighting being the current trend, they are not looking at long-term or sustained career options. They are always looking for immediate gratification and short-term options,” says Zaileshia.
Reshma K., an adolescent health counsellor, recalls a session with class 12 students, during which she asked each of them what they wanted to become in life. One answer stood out: “I want to become a ‘Freefire’ master.” Reshma didn’t quite get it and asked, “Who?” She realised later that it was a character in an online game the student was playing. “I was a bit shocked to hear it as a future option,” she confesses.
Another class 11 student wanted to become like BTS, the South Korean boy band. “YouTubers and influencers have all become part of their ambitions,” says Reshma. “These kids would be joining their degree course in a year or two, and it is striking that they don’t have a clear path forward.”
Clinically, the willingness to invest time and effort to work through and solve something is at an all-time low, across all levels. The early introduction of gadgets, at times when the child is barely six months old, is also to blame. Experts advise delaying the first use of gadgets as much as possible. “The younger the age at first use, the more vulnerable your brain is,” says Sharma. “At a young age, the child’s brain is active, seeking novelty and change, invested in the environment. The gadget is good at giving what their brain craves—change, novelty, multiple stimuli, multimodal engagement…. All these came at a slower pace back then [before gadgets], which would actually help the neurons wire in its actual manner on its own. But gadgets have hijacked the whole process.”
Kids fall behind in cognitive, social and emotional abilities from overusing gadgets, and parents and schools often encourage that dependence. “Technology is here to stay, and therefore you need to work around it and streamline it in a way that best suits your kid,” says Zaileshia.
Let them scream
Sharma says the trouble starts when parents cede control to the child. “It is complex. Parents’ ability to tolerate distress and cope with screaming kids is too low,” she says. “In the first level of training, when we talk to the parents, we actually tell them that for you to say no, you have to first learn to listen to their screams. You have to first learn to listen to the angry child and learn to be with the angry child.”
Tantrums and anger have always been part of growing up. What has changed is the context. In today’s nuclear families, parents in their 30s often juggle demanding careers while raising young children who naturally want the freedom to behave like children. Balancing work with a six-year-old’s emotional needs makes everyday parenting far harder.
“Parenting and parenting support are all important,” says Sharma. “As an educated lot, asking questions as a parent and openness is significant. It is okay to say ‘I don’t know how to handle my child or schedule his/her time.’ Seeking help is not something to be ashamed of.”
According to Kerala State Child Rights Commission chairperson K.V. Manoj Kumar, some kids live in a world of illusion. Even when they behave normally, underlying psychological issues may still require intervention. He cites the example of a class eight student from Kozhikode, who made allegations of promiscuous behaviour against both parents. What puzzled investigators was that the boy’s younger sister, living in the same household, never made any such allegations. The family was upper-middle-class, both parents employed in government service, and the boy himself was described as academically bright. “The child was given therapy sessions and has recovered now,” says Manoj. Children’s awareness of laws against child sexual offences cuts both ways, adds Manoj, as it is also used to manipulate parents, peers and teachers.
Flipside of being a friend to your child
Parents often proclaim that they know everything about their child, and that they are “like friends”. Zaileshia says that is not a healthy habit to cultivate. “The problem with the friend concept is that the child won’t understand hierarchy. Parents should be approachable, and they should have access, but they should also know where and when to draw the line,” says Zaileshia. “Moreover, parents should not get too involved in their kids’ lives. They require their own space, and parents should respect that; only then will they respect you back.”
Children with no concept of personal space at home become vulnerable, their boundaries porous enough that people capable of emotionally abusing them will spot it as they grow up. “So, there is a possibility that the child in adulthood will get emotionally abused, and that is why many children tolerate toxic behaviour,” says Zaileshia.
Also, parents must display consistent behaviour. Children will lie and make mistakes. Their actions and behaviour are driven by impulses and instincts, not by morality and immorality. “By being consistent, you are giving them a chance to become a better person,” says Zaileshia.
Consistency, however, does not mean rigidity. “Sometimes parents should be flexible, and it will help them to connect with their kid,” says Zaileshia. Willingness to try things with them and learn new things all helps in connectivity.”
Building resilience
Children today live under severe mental stress and anxiety, shaped by an era of war, pandemics, environmental disasters, economic uncertainty and geopolitical tension. Unaddressed anxiety can become depression, and later self-injurious behaviour.
A 13-year-old boy in Delhi suddenly started wearing only shirts or tees with long sleeves. When his mother asked why, he merely shrugged. One day, she heard a loud cry from his room and rushed in to find him lying almost unconscious on the floor, with multiple cuts on his hands. He was hospitalised, and counselling sessions revealed he was being bullied at school for being obese. Experts emphasise that when behaviour patterns change, it is important to consult a doctor.
“Children engage in more self-harming behaviour—banging heads, cuts on hands—owing to frustration,” says Zaileshia. “Emotion resilience building should happen from day one.”
Also, kids need a clear answer to any concern. With their attention span diminished, they lack the patience to try different options. There is also a silent operator amid all this: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. That is why rest is key. But sleep is not rest for the brain; it is a necessity—a crucial time when it goes into repair mode. Just like sleep, exercise, food, rest and recreation are all essential for brain health. The phone isn’t.
Good luck telling your teen that.
