It’s that time when there are murmurs of a promotion at work. The three people who are up for it will strive a little extra over these next few months to demonstrate their preparedness for the role. One of them happens to be a woman. She has to fight a battle on two fronts: first, in the office with sharp elbows; second, at home, where she must try not to rock the boat for her family. The second becomes the harder one.
In the following months, Neha Mehta will stay late, say “yes, of course, I’m available” to any and every meeting, beyond work hours. Her work will require her to travel, maybe take the red-eye flights. With that mental fog, she chooses that doughnut in the business hotel’s breakfast buffet instead of the whole foods. That spike in glucose will not go unpunished by the body. The lack of sleep and additional stress will prod her to make more poor choices through the day. Those choices will affect the quality of sleep once again. This pushes Mehta’s eating windows, stress and sleep schedule. With that unrested, underfed mind, she will question her capability and sanity. Now think of running this cycle for 10 years or more.
Neha Mehta has worked so hard to get where she is, has sacrificed a lot of time with family and has borne the brunt of it from close family. While she thinks she's managed this well, in her early forties, she doesn't recognise the woman in the mirror anymore. She looks older, feels even older. Her sleep is broken. Her hormones seem beyond her control. She can now buy the clothes that she wouldn’t dream of in college, but hates to be seen in them. She avoids getting photographed. She asks herself if she remembers when she let go and gained a belly. Then she wonders why she has the belly, because she only nibbles at food. She’s been starving herself for years, because Cosmopolitan said 15 years back that starvation was the way runway models stayed thin (read: underweight).
She wonders how time flew by and if there’s any way to wind the clock back. Things on paper seem to be in control, but she feels lost, and in some ways, lesser.
Building a career as a leader in India is difficult by itself. It becomes even harder for women, not because there’s a dearth of opportunity, but because the expectation of perfectly balancing work with family and friends will always seem like an unwinnable endeavour.
Then some of us leap and prioritise themselves. Many of us can’t (don’t). I see this pattern play out very regularly with women leaders who stop prioritising their health. Not sure if this is a subconscious conditioning to punish oneself for wanting something with clarity. But we do punish ourselves.
I’ve been told, “I feel guilty”, across different decades by so many women leaders that it almost seems to be the gateway to success. Special situations require special interventions.
In my 30 years of experience as a dietitian to thousands of Indian women, I’ve seen this story play out many times. There’s a window in a woman’s life where taking control, the right way, helps reset. There’s a reason they say that the gut is the second brain. That intervention works best if done at the right time.
We nurture, nourish and deliver. We nurture, nourish and deliver, at work and at home. If only we could extend this to ourselves and not be ashamed of it.
The author is the co-founder and head dietitian at Niwi.ai.
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of THE WEEK.
