Separated happily ever after: Why dignity in divorce still has a gender

Recently, when Bollywood superstar Aamir Khan remarried for the third time, the paparazzi were busy counting: "Ek... Do... Teen..."

Whether Aamir Khan marries once, twice or thrice is entirely his personal choice. But the visible warmth between him and his former spouses during the wedding celebrations surprised many and triggered public curiosity. Marriages becoming more mature through divorce and opening a new chapter of lifelong friendship seem to be an emerging social trend. What a beautiful relationship equation!

From a conventional perspective, divorce is often narrated as a story of lifelong hostility between partners, where the ex-partner is permanently assigned the role of the villain.

While many of us—the self-appointed watchdogs of morality—sit back and gossip about Aamir Khan's latest marriage, a more serious conversation is unfolding around us: are we witnessing the emergence of a new social script for relationships?

We live in a society where the success of a marriage is measured only by its duration. The longer it lasts, the more successful we assume it to be.

Separation is difficult to accept, and when a relationship ends in divorce, we expect the former partners to drift apart like two continents. But the cordial relationship between Aamir Khan and his former spouses raises an uncomfortable question: can two people separate respectfully and still remain a part of each other's lives?

"Then why did they separate?" asks patriarchy. It sounds like a logical question, only because we have memorised a relationship dictionary that contains just one word: adjustment.

Another question follows. Will the same society that appreciates a man for maintaining a warm friendship with his former wives extend the same acceptance to a woman who remains on good terms with her ex-husbands?

For a man, the accompaniment of his former wives at his new wedding may be seen as a gesture of nobility and grace. But will the same society appreciate a woman if her former husbands attend her wedding with the same warmth and dignity? Perhaps even dignity has a gender in our society.

A divorced man is often encouraged to begin a new chapter in life, while a divorced woman, on the other hand, is expected to remain emotionally wounded, restrained and alone.

When a man remarries, society tends to be compassionate and accepting, but when a woman remarries, she often faces a gendered trial, where her intentions are questioned—whether about money, morality, or even her sexuality.

Though both men and women have the legal right to remarry, socially, it is still far more difficult for a woman, who continues to face the familiar question: "Why couldn't she adjust a little more?"

Today—at least in modern society—marriage is gradually shifting from being a rigid institution to becoming a relationship between two individuals. Relationships are increasingly being judged by the quality of companionship rather than their permanence.

When compatibility matters more than social approval, marriage becomes a partnership where both individuals have the freedom to walk away if their dignity is repeatedly compromised. Perhaps only such healthy separations can create the possibility of friendship, mutual respect and meaningful co-parenting.

This does not mean that every pair of former partners should remain friends. If a relationship was abusive, violent, or deeply traumatic, healing takes time, and sometimes the wounds never completely disappear.

The story of Aamir Khan and his former spouses may not represent every relationship. Yet it reminds us that remarriage should carry neither stigma nor heroism. It is simply a personal choice—the choice to pursue happiness—with equal dignity for both women and men.