India, a land where apologies are delayed indefinitely

Finally, it was an apology of an apology but both the Supreme Court and Prashant Bhushan have reason to be pleased with the outcome of the case. Such happy, tidy endings, however, are a rarity in a land where apologies are delayed indefinitely.

Shashi Tharoor has for years been demanding an apology from the Brits for leaving us all flat broke. A simplified version of Tharoor’s claim (i.e. eliminating all words that will have us scurrying to dictionary.com) is: In 1600 when the British arrived on our shores, India’s share of the world economy was 23 per cent. By the time they left, it was down to under 4 per cent. Now you know why almost everything worth having seems unaffordable.

But it’s not just the money, honey. There are a lot of other things the Brits have to say sorry for. What about the perfidy at Plassey or the outrage at Oudh? You don’t need a historian to tell you that the Empire’s ‘openers’ Robert Clive and Warren Hastings were not playing cricket. Clive got the better of the Nawab of Bengal because the face-off at Plassey was ‘fixed’. It was more or less the same sorry story in Oudh.

Then, there’s the little matter about the world’s largest diamond—the Kohinoor, all 109 carats of it. It travelled a long way from the Golconda mines to the crown jewels of Queen Victoria. Since then, the super-size sparkler has been handed down the royal succession of queens and princesses. The Duchess of Cambridge aka Kate Middleton could one day sport the gigantic gem, without the thought entering her mind that she is preening herself in borrowed feathers.

While on the subject of the Kohinoor, we may as well, demand an apology from Mr. Hassan Rouhani, President of Iran, on behalf of Nadir Shah who in 1739 prised the jewel out of its gorgeous setting (the peacock throne) and carted it away to Iran.

To return to the Brits, their misdeeds are so fresh in our minds that we tend to be a little indulgent towards the French and the Portuguese. Last year we purchased a number of Rafael jets, and this month, France’s Minister for Defence Florence Parly is likely to visit to mark their induction into the IAF. I am sure there will be a lot of the usual ‘bon jours’ and ‘mercis’. But no questions are going to be asked about the unseemly annexation of Pondicherry and the way Dupleix conducted himself. As for the Prime Minister of Portugal, we can certainly hold his predecessors responsible for leaving behind in Goa the dangerous relic of susagade – that penchant to doze off in the afternoons which is holding up the tiny state’s march to progress.

Here’s a list of other countries of the world with whom we have scores to settle. (I am exempting the Chinese from saying anything about 1962. Their method of apologizing is to repeat the offence). But we can well demand retrospective remorse from the president of Afghanistan for the depredations of his compatriots—Muhammad of Ghori and his even more predatory predecessor Mahmud of Ghazi. Among the many things they pillaged was the Temple of Somnath.

When the temple was re-built by the redoubtable K. M. Munshi, Nehru avoided attending the inauguration, thus forcing Modi to break precedent this August for the new Ram Temple. Yes, Mr. Ashraf Ghani has a lot to answer – and apologize – for.

The Africans too are no angels, I can tell you. They ought to apologise for the Siddhis. These traders from Abyssinia set up a kingdom in the Konkan, and plundered the coast right under the noses of the Marathas. Abyssinia has become Ethiopia now, but we should not let a change of name allow the country’s Prime Minister Mr. Abiy Ahmed to escape his share of censure.

If we are turning the clock back, why not give the hands a good swing? When King Alexander defeated Porus (even if your history is rusty, you will certainly remember the song), the Jhelum ran red with blood. A war crime, surely? So if ever Prime Minister Oliver Spasovski of North Macedonia comes a visiting, we know what he should be doing before anything else.

And thumbing the pages back to the very beginning, I think an apology is long overdue from the brothers Rajapaksa currently ruling Sri Lanka for the abduction of Sita.

Now, the Supreme Court fined Advocate Bhushan a rupee, and Sashi Tharoor is only asking for one pound from the Brits as a token acknowledgment of past misdeeds. But I think such leniency is out of place in the unforgiving world we live in. I for one would insist on a full, four-course expression of regret. So leaders of the world, you know the drill: place ear lobe between thumb and forefinger and squat. One, two, three, four …ah, that will teach you!