Acid attack survivors are funny, spirited, and cocky at times

Meghna Gulzar said that the hardest part for you about Chhapaak was knowing that you would lead a normal life after the prosthetic was removed, but the survivors would not. How did you deal with that?

I was dealing with that emotion on a daily basis during my 9am to 9pm shift. For me, the painful part was knowing that I could go back to my life and revisit theirs when it was convenient for me or when I was required to. That is not the case with them, which is the reason for the kind of emotional toll this film has taken on me.

What was your first meeting with Laxmi Agarwal like?

It was an eye-opener for me. I had interacted with her briefly at some events a few years ago, but this time, I spent many hours with her. As a society, we assume they (acid attack survivors) are a certain way. But what was refreshing was the fact that she was a complete contrast with [what we might have expected]. One would think that they would feel sorry for themselves, or [would be] angry and resentful, but that is not what I saw. I saw forgiveness, strength to move on, hope, contentment and joy.... They are funny, spirited, and cocky at times.

In an interview, you spoke about how a director did not cast you in his film because you were too good-looking for the part.

(Laughs) Yes, I have had directors tell me that. Some have said I was too tall for a part. A few have said that they do not have the money I charge for a film, because it has gone to my male co-star. Yes, I have been through all that.

For Chhapaak, you had to give up your beauty. That is a huge step.

A director once told me that he is not going to watch this movie because he believed I would look ugly in it. My question to him is, ‘Are you then saying that Laxmi is ugly?’ Hopefully this movie will broaden our minds regarding how we are conditioned to think about beauty.

You are also doing a film on the Mahabharat from Draupadi’s perspective. Would you say your focus has now shifted to women-centric films?

I would not say women-centric as much as I would say meaningful. Chhapaak is not a women-centric film, but rather one about a girl who has been on a certain journey and whose story and spirit will resonate with millions of people. I am also not doing Chhapaak because it is directed by a woman. Similarly, playing Draupadi for me is exciting because it presents an interesting alternate perspective to the Mahabharat. Again, it is not because she is a woman but because she has the most exciting point of view among all the characters.

I do not know [if the transition] is a conscious decision. I think it is more a function of the person I am evolving into, or the person that I have become, or the person that I am.

How much of a role do your parents, sister and Ranveer play in your film choices? Do you discuss roles with them?

So, I have seen Chhapaak and he (Ranveer) was asking me what I thought about it. But I did not say anything. I want them to discover my films on their own. The most I tell my parents, or even my husband for that matter, is that I have signed on this movie. Maybe I will give them one line, like whether it is a romantic or a horror film. With Ranveer, maybe I will say one line more about it. But that is about it. I really want them to have a fresh perspective [when they watch it].

You have revealed that you needed a counsellor during the shooting of Chhapaak. It has been some time since you were diagnosed with depression. Do you now recognise your trigger points?

Yes, I do. My friend and I were chatting the other day about how silly we are at times because we know exactly what the trigger points are, but we still keep challenging it because you feel ki ab nahi hoga (now it will not happen). And then boom, it comes back, and you are like, ‘Oh, god! Stupid girl! Why?’ With Chhapaak, for example, I could not identify a trigger point, it was the role itself that was the trigger point.

How do you want to progress as a producer?

I want to do films that are meaningful and impactful. That does not necessarily mean that every film has to be a socially relevant film. It could be a simple and beautiful film like Piku, which told the story of a father-daughter relationship in an entertaining manner. Eventually, I want to be a part of films that I can be proud of and that impact people in different ways—it could be a film that gives them joy, or makes them reflect, or it could be something as extreme as Chhapaak.

After xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017), do you want to do another Hollywood project?

For me, it is not so much about going to Hollywood as it is about being a part of films that resonate globally. In a way, Chhapaak is also a hugely international movie because of the subject. And the fact that acid violence is not something that happens only in India, but it is also rampant [in countries like] the UK. The thrill is not so much about working in Hollywood as it is about being a part of films with exciting content.