“But he seemed so happy; not like someone who was depressed.” This was one of the immediate responses of a colleague when news broke of celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain's death, an apparent suicide. Bourdain, a fun-loving, passionate and highly successful chef and author, could seem like the antithesis of a person fighting a battle inside and would go on to kill himself.
But so was Kate Spade, the 55-year-old iconic fashion designer who launched a line of creative and quirky handbags that most celebrities wouldn't do without. Earlier this week, she hanged herself at her New York City apartment. Be it Anthony or Kate, they lived idyllic lives that most of us would envy—guess fame and money are not all that cool or cracked up that they seem to be. Just another loud reminder that there are no 'perfect' lives.
Often when news breaks of suicide of highly-accomplished people, the initial shock leads to conversations and statements like: But why? They were rich and famous; There has to be some other reason; She had the perfect life; I wish I had been in her place and so on. And then there are some who find it unacceptable that depression could kill. That brings in a pertinent question: If people like Anthony and Kate didn't find life worthy enough of continuing, what happens to ordinary people who suffer from clinical depression and often feel the tug towards suicide.
While reports have emerged that marital woes could have pushed Kate to take this step, her sister said Kate was battling depression for long, and that she was fixated on the 2014 suicide of Robin Williams.
In August 2014 when comedian Robin Williams hanged himself in his California home, a million hearts broke. There were also other questions doing the rounds: But he was so funny and happy; Why would he kill himself? There were endless speculations about his mental health and of him being diagnosed with Lewy body dementia which drove him to despair, and suicide. Earlier this week HBO dropped the trailer of Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind, a documentary on the iconic funny man that travels through the many highs and lows in his life. In the trailer, Robin's friend and actor Steve Martin says: “On stage, he was the master; he was really comfortable on stage. Off stage, I just felt he was holding himself together.”
Suicides have been on a rise globally over the last decade, and closer home we stare at startling statistics—the National Mental Health Survey 2015-16 revealed one in 20 Indians suffers from depression. It is estimated that in 2012, India had over 2,58,000 suicides, with the age-group of 15-49 years being most affected. No, suicidal depression doesn't just happen with the foreigners, it is truer everywhere. Except we still shy away from accepting that mental health issues are for real, and that they are life-threatening. The recent suicide of popular Telugu news anchor Radhika Reddy had triggered debates again on India's stand on depression and mental health. In a suicide note purportedly written by Radhika, she wrote: "My brain is my enemy." Well, she was doing good for herself, wasn't she? That's probably what it seemed to an outsider.
And that is where conversations need to happen. That friend who hasn't be quiet like herself these days, that neighbour who seems too frustrated or that colleague you saw sob silently in the washroom or a teammate who hasn't been regular to office—ask if all is fine. Do not always brush it off as a random mood swing. It might seem as an intrusion into someone else's privacy in an age where 'private space' is a big deal, but do ask and ask again. Many a time, a casual enquiry could help them. If someone you know is feeling emotionally overwhelmed, or despair, be ready to sit down and listen.
#DobaaroPoocho, a 2016 campaign launched by Deepika Padukone's (who herself confessed to battling depression) Live Laugh, Love Foundation went viral for breaking the stigma around depression and urging people to look around and watch for the signs in their near and dear ones. At the same time, it also drew much flak for merely equating sadness and grief with depression. Critics went on say how depression does not really mean one is constantly crying or feeling blue. It could also be frustration, anger, numbness, loss of sleep or appetite, suicidal thoughts or a reluctance to just get out of bed in the morning (not always a sign of laziness).
Outward appearances are never a sign of what's going on inside the minds of people—Anthony and Kate should be enough proof.