Even 'thappad' has a gender: The violent cost of 'managing' a fragile ego

Good wives have always been the best-branded 'shock absorbers' available in the domestic market. That is perhaps why we are so familiar with the saying that behind every successful man, there is a woman. Her motivation, perseverance and sacrifices contribute to his success.

But what about an unsuccessful man? Is there a woman behind him too? If yes, how is she treated by him and by society? Is she expected to absorb and tolerate his frustrations and emotional outbursts? A glance into the domestic spaces of England offers a revealing picture of how a man's victory—and even more so, his failure—can shape a woman's life.

Recently, a study conducted by Lancaster University found that during the World Cup season, reported domestic violence incidents in England increased by 26 per cent when England won or drew, and by 38 per cent when England lost.

Whether the national team wins or loses, women end up paying the emotional price, and the scars on their bodies often outlast the score on the stadium screen.

The fact that domestic abuse increases even after England wins is perhaps the most striking finding.

How does a national victory—or defeat—become a woman's burden? The study exposes the invisible labour women perform in 'managing' men's heightened emotions.

Campaigns by Women's Aid and prosecutors have repeatedly drawn attention to these findings to create public awareness and encourage vigilance against domestic abuse.

The researchers are careful to point out that football is not the cause of domestic violence. Rather, the heightened emotions surrounding the World Cup intensify abusive behaviour that already exists. Ultimately, the issue is not what happens on the football field, but how the emotional machinery of patriarchal masculinity overpowers women within domestic spaces.

With World Cup fever sweeping across countries, millions of men spend hours glued to their television and mobile screens, emotionally identifying themselves with their favourite teams and players. When their team wins, they celebrate it as though it were their own victory. But when it loses, many experience it as a personal defeat.

Some feel an overwhelming urge to find an outlet for their frustration. Who becomes the easiest target? Too often, it is the wife. That is what many men are socialised to practice, and many women are conditioned to endure. Ironically, such aggression is often soft-labelled as 'passion', and violence is conveniently normalised.

From early childhood, many boys are brought up under a strange syllabus: victory is masculinity, while failure is humiliation. They are taught that anger is socially acceptable, but tears are signs of weakness. When a boy graduates from this patriarchal syllabus into married life, his wife often becomes the easiest prey to his emotional excesses. Whenever his alpha-male ego is bruised, he expects her to 'manage' his emotions. And society rewards those managerial skills with the romanticised title of a good wife.

Now imagine the reverse. A woman is devastated because her favourite football team has lost, and in a fit of frustration, she slaps her husband. Sounds absurd?

Oh, sorry, I almost forgot. Even 'thappad' has a gender.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of THE WEEK.