High-achieving children often suffer from hidden anxiety and stress that go unnoticed because their academic performance remains consistently high and teachers frequently praise their outwardly dedicated behavior.

High-achieving children often suffer from hidden anxiety and stress that go unnoticed because their academic performance remains consistently high and teachers frequently praise their outwardly dedicated behavior.

High-achieving children often suffer from hidden anxiety and stress that go unnoticed because their academic performance remains consistently high and teachers frequently praise their outwardly dedicated behavior.

People often assume high-achieving children are coping well. They score well, receive praise from teachers and rarely raise concerns at home or in school. However, a good report card does not always reflect how a child is feeling. Some children struggle to sleep before tests, feel distressed by scoring 90 per cent or complain of headaches and stomach aches on school days. Because their academic performance remains high, the anxiety beneath the surface can easily go unnoticed. This is the ‘good student’ trap: when a child is doing well, adults assume that the child is well, too.

A review of Indian studies estimated that nearly one in four adolescents has a clinical anxiety disorder. Exams can be a major trigger, particularly when children feel that their results will determine how they are perceived by their parents, teachers and peers. 

The pressure to be a good student often comes from several directions. In clinical practice, it is commonly seen to stem from family expectations for a child's future, comparisons with others and a school system that ranks children from an early age. Much of this pressure comes from good intentions. However, children respond not only to what adults intend, but also to how adults react to their achievements and setbacks.

When praise, attention and warmth increase noticeably after good results and diminish after poor ones, a child may begin to link their self-worth to their performance. This belief can develop through small, repeated moments: excitement around the dinner table over a top mark, silence after a low score or being introduced to relatives by their rank. Over time, the child may begin to believe that they are valued only when they do well. They may start working out of guilt and fear rather than interest, feel ashamed when they fall short and see their self-esteem rise or fall with every result. This is where the real issue lies.

For some children, this gradually becomes part of their identity. Being a good student is no longer something they do; it becomes who they are. They may begin to believe that mistakes are unacceptable and that they must be the best to matter. A good result then brings relief rather than genuine satisfaction, as the next exam is already on their mind. A poor result, meanwhile, can feel like proof that something is wrong with them as a person.

In these children, anxiety does not always look like anxiety. Parents can watch for signs such as:

*Over-preparing, rereading or redoing work that is already complete.

*Putting tasks off because of the fear of not doing them perfectly.

*Avoiding new activities where they might not perform well.

*Being harshly self-critical after small mistakes.

*Experiencing poor sleep, headaches or stomach aches before exams.

*Seeking constant reassurance or hiding a poor result.

*Finding it difficult to relax or enjoy free time.

Because their grades remain high, these signs are easy to miss and may even be praised as dedication. Yet, behind what looks like hard work, a child may be struggling with fear. Helping does not mean lowering expectations; it means changing what adults pay attention to.

Parents can begin by separating the child from their marks. Children need to know that their parents' love does not depend on their results, and this message must be reflected in how adults respond on difficult days. 

Praising effort, curiosity and persistence, rather than scores alone, can also help children value learning instead of chasing perfection.

Even the first question asked after an exam can make a difference. Instead of immediately asking about marks, parents can ask how the paper felt, what the child found interesting or what they learnt while preparing. Such conversations show children that their experiences and learning matter, not just the final result.

If anxiety begins to affect a child's sleep, health, friendships or daily life, professional support should be considered. Any expression of feeling worthless or hopeless should also be taken seriously.

A child's academic success should never come at the cost of their emotional well-being. Children need room to make mistakes, learn from them and understand that one result cannot define their worth. When they feel valued beyond their achievements, they are better placed to approach learning with confidence, curiosity and a healthier sense of self.

The author is a consultant, pediatric psychology at Madhukar Rainbow Children's Hospital, Delhi. 

 

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of THE WEEK. 

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