As six months of maternity leave come to an end, the first day back at work—leaving your little one at home—is never easy. The separation can be painful for both mother and baby. This Mother’s Day, let’s leave the 'mom guilt' behind and remind ourselves: you are doing a great job.
While sharing an Instagram reel, Dr Anuradha H.S., paediatrician and parenting coach, addresses the issue of mom guilt and says that separation anxiety is perfectly normal for babies.
When mother leaves for work, it is not just the baby who is struggling; it is two nervous systems struggling together, she says. "The baby is thinking, where did you go? And mom is thinking am I hurting my baby? This is separation anxiety, not damage, not detachment...Going to work does not make you a bad mother. Baby cries because you are their safe space, not because you have failed them. This phase passes, but secure attachment stays for life," she said.
What is separation anxiety?
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Separation anxiety is the intense emotional distress triggered by the actual or anticipated separation from a primary attachment figure, such as a caregiver or partner. Though separation anxiety is a perfectly normal part of childhood development, it can be unsettling.
It begins among babies around 6-12 months of age, peaking between 10 and 18 months. It is a normal developmental stage.
Maternal separation anxiety is when a mother feels intense worry, guilt or sadness when away from her child.
Ways to cope/lessen separation anxiety
1. Conversing with the child calmly. Children can pick up your tension, so you must remain calm and confident during goodbyes.
2. Creating quick goodbye rituals- giving kisses, hugs, or a toy on leaving to comfort them.
3. Being consistent: Doing the same ritual with the same people at the same time each day. It helps in building trust.
4. Giving attention/ spending a few minutes with the child before leaving
5. Practising separation - from a smaller to a longer one.
6. Acceptance: Recognise that these feelings are normal, but they don't have to control you.
7. Reassuring returns: Consistently remind the child that you will be back
Meanwhile, in some cases, separation anxiety does not go away even after 2 or 3 years. It disturbs their school, disturbs sleep and causes behavioural issues as well. Persistent distress could lead to Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD), a mental health condition characterised by excessive and developmentally inappropriate fear regarding separation. In such cases, a paediatrician or a child psychologist should be consulted.