The survivor in the Kerala actress sexual assault case has opened up about her journey from always blaming herself to finding the strength to fight for justice. “There are so many times I desperately wanted to go back to the time before any of this happened. So that my life would be normal.”
She was speaking to journalist Barkha Dutt during the Global Townhall of ‘We The Women’ event. “Every time I thought about it, I would go back in a loop back to where I started and keep blaming myself,” the actress said. However, it was in 2020 when trial in the case started and she had to appear in court for 15 days, did she begin to identify herself as a ’survivor’ and not a ‘victim’, she said. “It was a whole different level of traumatic experience. When I came out of the court after the last hearing, that is when I realised I am a survivor. I am not just standing up for myself, but for the dignity of all the girls wo will come after me,” she said.
The actress thanked her family, friends and the Women’s Collective in Cinema (WCC) for supporting her throughout. She also opened about the hatred and victim-shaming she has been subjected to. “Many accused me for the assault. There was negative propaganda on social media that I staged it, and that it was a fake case. All that was very painful; I was devastated. I was broken into a million pieces,” she said.
In January, she revealed her identity through an Instagram post. She wrote in the post: "For 5 years now, my name and my identity have been suppressed under the weight of the assault inflicted on me. Though I am not the one who has committed the crime, there have been many attempts to humiliate, silence and isolate me. But at such times I have had some who stepped forward to keep my voice alive. Now when I hear so many voices speak up for me I know that I am not alone in this fight for justice.”
There are days she wants to give it all up and leave the country, she said. “We should normalise and encourage people coming out in public to talk about their trauma,” she said.
