Crib Sheet: How to say goodbye to your baby

With both hands stretched out behind her as though she is flying, she comes running to me the moment I step out of my room, dressed for work. My little Lady Gaga is just over a year old, and she already knows that amma will be leaving soon. She wraps herself around my legs in a big, fat hug. She then loiters about my feet, a fistful of my clothes in her hand. And just when I think I can make a quiet exit, she trails me to the main door and waits there with the patience of a professional, watching for the moment I reach for the handle. She slips in from behind and rushes to open it herself, always making sure she gets out first, as though she is the one running late. By then, her dad hurries over and scoops her into his arms. And when she realises she isn't coming with me, her face falls. No matter how many times I leave, it doesn't get any easier to walk away from that sad little face.

Yes, it is always hard to say goodbye to your little one. Just like us, their minds go through their own share of distress and fear. This is separation anxiety, and in children between 8 months and 3 years, it is a normal developmental stage. Many parents sneak out while distracting their kids, believing that watching them leave will cause a crying fit. Doctors point out that this is actually a bad idea. "When leaving your child, it is important to say goodbye, because leaving unseen teaches a toddler that you might vanish at any moment," says Dr Shreya Singhal, consultant, paediatric psychology at Madhukar Rainbow Children’s Hospital, Delhi.

Dr Deepti David, a paediatrician in Ahmedabad, adds that severe or prolonged separation anxiety can disrupt a child's social, emotional and academic development by limiting their participation in essential childhood experiences. Constant worry over safety or separation can stunt self-esteem and independence, and unaddressed anxiety raises the risk of chronic distress, depression, and anxiety issues later in life, says David. Which is exactly why goodbyes matter. Children need to learn this; it builds a foundation of trust and emotional security.

So how do you say goodbye well? Keep it short, warm and predictable—a fixed phrase, a hug and a clear exit. "What matters most is that you keep the promise exactly as you made it. A toddler can't hold time in their head yet, so the only way they learn you always come back is by watching it happen, over and over," says Singhal. "Each kept promise makes the next goodbye easier, while a broken one teaches them that waiting is not safe—which is why it is better to promise something small and true, like 'I'll be back before snack', than something vague, like 'I'll be back very soon’."

She also says that you should stay steady as you go, because children read your face and tone far more than your words. “If the distress is severe, continues past age 3 or 4, or starts disrupting daily functioning, consult a child psychologist," adds Singhal. A small ritual can help, too. "Maybe wave from the same window, or tuck a kiss into their pocket to hold on to while you are gone," she says.

Once you get the hang of saying goodbye, the warm reunions become even sweeter. Just as it was hard to say goodbye that morning, it was sweet to watch her come flying to me again in the evening—excited that I kept my promise and came back to her as soon as I could.