The NCERT (National Council for Eating the Right Tiffin) has said Mughlai cuisine needs to be cut down to size. It has been ruling the roost for so long, they said, that school students think it was the only thing worth eating in the Indian kitchen - either nalli nihari or nothing! A historical injustice, if ever there was one! So the authorities will do unto menu cards what they have done to school text books. And we, on our part, will have to bid a tearful goodbye to the samosas and kababs and extend a warm welcome to kachoris and bhajiyas.
What about the biryani so beloved by all? Well, all good things must come to an end, and so must our honeymoon with this love child of the Persian pilaf. Instead, you can smack your lips at the uncrowned national dish - khichdi. Eeek, you exclaim, isn’t khichdi for when you are sick or convalescing? NCERT says,”You are all quite sick already, gorging for years on all that spice-laden, acidity-inducing stuff.
As can be expected, the NCERT move has sparked a storm. Tamil Nadu Chief Minister M. K. Stalin said the authorities should stop being Delhi-centric and start being belly-centric. He charged that the official move to foist khichdi was a below-the-dining table attempt to wean people away from the hot regional favourite – pongal.
Shashi Tharoor termed it culinary cleansing and said you mustn’t shove patriotism literally down people’s throats. Strongly defending mutton do pyaaza, he said it was actually as Indian as the famed chilly beef from his home state, and although he did not eat either, he still felt that they deserved a place on the dinner plate.
Rahul Gandhi’s comments on the occasion pushed him into all too familiar territory, i.e. in the soup. Guileless as ever, he said if people found Mughlai cooking too rich, they should try Italian cuisine. Mamma mia! It precipitated the loudest cry so far for him to apologize, which he did by picking up his fork and eating his words.
There are rumblings in the west as Master Chef da Punjab insisted that Fish Amritsari stood apart - distinct from the nondescript fish available in the rest of the country. In the east, Mamata Banerjee charged that Delhi’s move was against the federal structure of the Constitution. Saying that hilsa was far superior to whatever was being dished out, she got party stalwart Derek O’Brien to chip in with a quiz exclusively on fishy matters - of which India has no dearth. She also demanded that Kosho mangsho – already quite popular – be made India’s non-veg national dish. Yeh dil maangsho more!
Nobody in the field knows his or her onions better than Sharad Pawar. Early one day, he said that the native bhakri can eat the north Indian roti for breakfast. Hours later, he said there was some merit in moving away from rich and spicy food. At dinner, he suggested the opposite of what he had said at lunch. Nobody can tell whose side he was on, until he himself is sure which side his bread is buttered.
Karnataka has historical memories of food being used to settle personal scores. Legend has it that Tipu Sultan force-fed prime beef to Brahmin priests. No, the secular sultan wasn’t trying to enhance the protein intake of the malnourished but rather to show them who’s boss. Cut to Karnataka’s current CM. He wisely stayed aloof from the discussion, saying whatever the style of cooking, what really matters is the butter that goes into it. So long as it’s Nandini butter, it hardly matters if you make roghan josh or bisi bele bath.
The last word came from food critics – the brave band which dissects our diet and tells us about secret ingredients. They say the NCERT issue has been raked up to take our minds off the other thing on the menu. It’s not about Mughlai or deshi, rather it’s about burgers. Not hamburgers, chicken burgers, tofu burgers or cheeseburgers but… you’ve guessed it, Hindenburgers.
