Mpowering Minds Summit: Why we need to stop expecting motherhood to 'flow naturally'

Motherhood is something everyone talks about in glowing terms. It is a great blessing, but comes with its dark side as well, namely, post-partum depression and anxiety. This was what the panellists discussed during a session on ‘Unravelling the Fourth Trimester’, at the second edition of the Mpowering Minds Summit 2026. 

“When my daughter was born 35 years ago, I woke up from anaesthesia and wondered what I had got myself into,” said the moderator Seema Kumar, founder editor at 90CAPS and The Mind Diaries. “Motherhood did not just flow out of me naturally.”

The panellists included Dr Janhavi Nilekani, founder and chairperson, Aastrika Foundation & Aastrika Midwifery Centre; Dr Meghna Singhal, founder & CEO, Raising Family Academy & Partners to Parents; Dr Padmaja Syeda, professor and head, department of obstetrics & gynaecology, KEM Hospital & Seth GS Medical College; and Dr Ruksheda Syeda, psychiatrist and psychotherapist.

There is still widespread ignorance regarding issues related to post-partum depression, said the panellists. “Most obstetricians look at pregnancy as the uterus,” said Syeda. “Very few look at the patient as a whole woman. We talk about blood pressure, diabetes and other medical aspects. But we never ask a woman whether this was a wanted pregnancy, or how she is feeling through it.”

The problem, said Syeda, is also more prevalent than people think. “It is said that one in seven women in their perinatal phase is going to suffer post-partum depression,” she said. “But this is not true. It is actually one in five.” 

She said that 80-90 per cent of women are going to feel different after giving birth, what people call 'baby blues'. But 20 to 40 per cent will go on to develop a disorder with depressive or anxiety symptoms. She said the risk factor is higher for those with genetic vulnerability, a prior psychiatric issue, thyroid dysfunctions or other environmental or social stresses. 

“These illnesses are real, proven by PET and fMRI studies,” she said. “They cannot be dismissed as lifestyle issues. We are looking at brain volume and functioning.” The red flags one should be watching out for include irritability, a change in behaviour, eating or sleep patterns, crying for no reason or guilt. “Guilt is something we see more predominantly in perinatal cases than in other mental health disorders,” she said.

Even the child, said Singhal, can be impacted by the mother’s post-partum depression. The child’s emotional and social development is affected. When the infant is held lovingly or sung lullabies to, it leads to emotional attunement.  In a mother suffering from post-partum depression, this attunement is broken. The mother might be withdrawn and not able to engage in playful interactions. And play is actually how the baby’s brain develops. The baby’s brain development is not just biological, but also social, emotional and cultural.

Nilekani, however, sounded a note of hope when she said that the consequences of post-partum depression need not be permanent. “The dynamics between the parents and both sets of grandparents usually settle in three months or so,” she said. “Children are resilient, and their brains are neuroplastic.” 

She did warn, however, against unscientific advice to the mother by family and friends. She is often subjected to post-partum dietary restrictions with diets that often don’t include proteins and not enough fruits or vegetables. “Even when women are empowered, when they have post-partum depression, they lose confidence and defer to their families on all matters,” she said. “It is a vulnerable time for women, but motivating them to take control is very important.”