It was a standard 2am wake-up call. I blinked and squinted at the clock, as I began the instinctive mid-sleep search for the warm, swaddled bundle that was supposed to be tucked safely beside me.
My hand hit empty sheets.
Panic struck! I sat bolt upright, only to find her at the other end of the bed. It was a relatively large bed—about six feet wide—and luckily, it was pushed against the wall. She was only about three months old then, and I never imagined a human that small was capable of inchworming her way across the bed as if in a cross-country race.
Sleep was her absolute priority from day one. I would often pause and stay still for hours after she finally drifted off, terrified that even a twitch would ruin the hard-won silence. I am sure mothers everywhere curse the noise that leaves their little ones' sleep ruined. Don’t even get me started on the aunties who would just turn up to wake them up—“She has been sleeping for too long, hasn't she? It is okay to wake her now.” Uff!
As is the way in our families, I was looking forward to the snuggles and the ‘emotional bond’ of having her sleep next to me, but she had other plans. My ‘Lady Gaga’ was never one for snuggle sleeping; she wants her space, and more often than not, she can be seen curled up in a corner of the bed, far from my skin. Seeing this girl care less about my snuggles than Beth Dutton (Yellowstone series) walking into a boardroom she is about to set on fire has kept me up many nights.
But then, is contact sleeping the benchmark for bonding with your child? If you think that sleeping next to your child is the popular, and therefore correct, method, doctors may have some news for you.
Co-sleeping, the kind where the mother sleeps next to the baby on the same bed, is not recommended by doctors. It carries many risks, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Room sharing is the recommended alternative, where the baby sleeps separately in a crib or bassinet in the same room as the mother.
“Evidence has shown that co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDS,” said Dr Geeta Gathwala, head, paediatrics and neonatology, Amrita Hospital, Faridabad. “So, if the mother is co-sleeping with the baby, especially in situations where the baby is a pre-term or born with low birth weight, the risks of SIDS are higher.” She added it is a risky time for babies till they are four to six months old.
Though room sharing is commonly seen as a western practice, doctors point out that the recommendations are backed by evidence and it applies to India as well.
The Indian Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend room sharing. Though SIDS cases are rare in India compared to the west, cases do emerge.
Gathwala recalls a case around 11 years ago, when a newborn, sleeping next to the mother in bed, was found dead.
“The initial days after birth, mothers would be extremely tired and in deep sleep,” explained Dr Rojo Joy, head of neonatology, Lourdes Hospital, Kochi. “Any mishap can happen. Maybe a hand coming on top of the baby can lead to smothering and hamper the baby’s breathing.”
Then, there is the question of emotional bonding. Should you worry that your baby may not bond with you if she sleeps at a distance? Not really. Bonding occurs during breastfeeding and physical contact when both the mother and the baby are awake and alert. “The baby can be kept close when they are awake. During sleep, as per recommendations, it is better to practise rooming in, not bedding in,” added Joy.
Seven months ago, Joy recalls a case where a two-and-a-half-month-old baby was brought dead to the hospital. That morning, the mother, on waking up, found the baby lying next to her unresponsive. No one knows what happened during the night.
Doctors advise that pillows, soft bedding and unnecessary clothes around the baby on the bed can also increase the risk of SIDS. There is also the risk of babies falling down from the bed.
“Parents should ensure that their baby always sleeps on its back and not tummy,” said Gathwala.
Ultimately, every baby is different, and a mother is usually best equipped to make the final call. Still, it is a lot to ask of a mother to navigate these high-stakes choices when she is already depleted and vulnerable. Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is follow the safety guidelines even when our hearts—and our traditions—are pulling us toward the snuggle.