Are you all feeling a wee bit sorry that you are not in Tokyo right now, watching the world’s greatest spectacle of sport? Take it easy, folks – you could be missing the action at the official Olympics 2020-21 but you haven’t actually missed the Games. Just take a good look at yourselves and what you go through every day. By hook or by crook, we are all Olympians.
Here are some of the events in which we take part without even knowing about it:
100-metre sprint
This is the Usain Bolt’s territory – and the centrepiece of every Olympic Games. No props, no bars; it’s a straightforward dash from Point A to Point B. Before the lockdown changed all the rules, we used to do it too – we ran for bus, train or auto every morning, and again in the evening, in the reverse direction. Rising to the occasion was the sporting breed of drivers who changed gear and stepped on the pedal just as you are about to hop on. Such a thrill! If it’s not the bus, we run to beat the muster at the office, to the bank before they close for the day, or the municipal office, or the market before curfew time. We who run every day of our lives shouldn’t be so bothered about what happens on July 31st.
Discuss Throw
This is traditional Olympic fare. Remember the classic sculpture ‘Dicobolus of Myron’ - a finely muscled figure bending over, with the right arm flung out and holding a disc? It is poetry in perfect balance. Well, times change and so do we. You don’t need a disc and you don’t need to have a toned, paunch-less physique. All you need to do is switch on television when something controversial is being discussed. The topic hardly matters – it could be Israeli spyware, Chinese incursions and whether or not anyone in India ever died of lack of oxygen. Everyone in the panel is paid to shout, the anchor loudest of all. As the decibels go higher, you sense the bile rising up inside you until you can’t take it anymore and throw up. Next day, you are back again – another debate, another panel but the results are the same – discuss and throw up!
Shot Put
The shot in the Olympics weighs the standard 7.26 kg. The shots most of us have taken, however, are measured in millilitres. After you have taken both shots of the vaccine, begins the tantalizing question of whether you really need to put on that suffocating piece of polypropylene or cloth across your mouth any more. You think you have gained enough immunity and sally forth into the welcoming outdoors without any encumbrance. Ah, but the virus may think differently. In many ways, this could turn out to be the riskiest sport of all.
400-metre hurdles
This is an event of which Indian sports lovers will forever nurse bitter sweet memories. In 1984 at Los Angeles, our P.T. Usha came as close as can be to winning a bronze. The Payyoli Express missed a medal by 1/100th of a second, and was consoled by a nation which applauded her gallant effort. But, for us, every day hurdlers on our way to work, if you miss by an inch you could end up with a twisted ankle or an outburst of road rage. Our hurdles are many: in the monsoon, it’s potholes and puddles, and all the year through, it’s the pavement crammed with hawkers and squatters, and roads ruled by errant autos and two-wheelers. Don’t expect consolation if you miss, you will lucky if you get by with only a curse.
Wrestling
Remember Ghulam Mohammad better known as Gama – the great Indian/Pakistani wrestler who acquired almost mythical status as the champion wrestler of the world? Gama was a professional and did not take part in the Olympics. Neither can we, although we go through some back-breaking bouts every day. In the Olympics, you wrestle on a mat. We have nothing but a moving bus or a train. In the official games, you fight one opponent at a time but when you boarding a bus, everyone is an opponent. In the Olympics, you fight by the rules. Here you are allowed to make the rules up as you go along.
Shooting
In 2004, Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore won asSilver. Four years later, Abhinav Bindra returned from Beijing with our first and so far, only individual gold. We all do a lot of shooting – most of it in the dark. As a nation of experts, we can tell anyone who listens which vaccine is the most effective and if there is going to be a third wave. We can also speak knowledgeably about whether the Chinese are sitting on our territory and if so, when do they plan to leave. We will even tell you if Ambani is intending to follow his billionaire counterparts into space.
Relay
The 4 x 100 metre relay is a showpiece event that is usually scheduled late in the Olympic fortnight so that it virtually becomes a grand finale to the Games. Indian sprinters are alas nowhere in the picture and never have been. But all of us have other relays on our mind. Life is tough, and we want to make it easier for our kids. So, we pass on all the tricks we have learnt to our children.
May the best man or woman win!
