Beating all traditional odds, a village in Warangal Urban district of Telangana has passed a resolution to stop all rituals associated with widowhood. While the actual work to break away from these patriarchal rituals has been going on for sometime at Keshavapur in Yelkaturti mandal, a resolution in this regard was passed only this month.
Change was never easy; convincing an entire village to move away from a tradition was a difficult task. And it happened thanks to the people of Keshavapur, the family of the late Venkat Reddy, the sarpanch of the village Prolu Ramadevi and the NGO, Bala Vikasa.
Widowhood has always been treated like a ritual, where the woman, who is already suffering the trauma of losing a partner, has to remove her kumkum, bangles, mangalsutra and toe rings. It further leaves the woman bereft of her identity and self confidence. She is left humiliated and economically dependent on her children or other relatives.
When Billa Komala's husband Venkat Reddy died of illness a few days ago, her two daughters and son who live in and around the village, decided to do away with this age-old custom. At the head of a group which helped the children make this decision were Vijayalakshmi Reddy, Katkuri Uma and Billa Surender Reddy.
"We wondered how many would object to this decision," says Vijayalakshmi. "As usual there were some who said we should not do this, while most of the village people supported us."
Vijayalakshmi herself was widowed 14 years ago. "I had three daughters and my husband had left me and lived with another woman. When he died, I still had to go through the rituals because there was no one to help me. I needed support but it did not happen. I was left alone with my children," she says.
Bala Vikas, the NGO, which has been working for woman empowerment and against patriarchal rituals also came to help these women. Manjula Rhatireddy, the project officer for Bala Vikasa, says "We have been working on the widow programme since 2006. We wanted to build their self confidence, especially the young group of widows."
They selected 500 women from Warangal and Karimnagar and gave them training. "But, then we realised that the society, too, has to change," says Manjula. So they took 1,500 villages under their wing and conducted mahila programmes each month, where various topics would be discussed while the widow issue was always talked about.
"Slowly the youth got involved and, in fact, some of them even offered to marry widows. So we held a Gram Sabha to create more awareness and there was some positive feedback," says Manjula. Bala Vikas also works in 130 model villages. Whenever there is a function, they make the widows break coconuts, breaking yet another myth. Now those villages, which are not part of this programme, want to get involved and be part of the change.
Seminars are conducted involving senior officers, the zilla parishad Chairman and sarpanches of the villages. "People have only been helpful in mobilising things for us. There has been no negativity till now," says Manjula.
Anna Mary, the coordinator for Bala Vikasa says, "In the programmes which we conduct regularly, it has been conveyed that the widow rituals are duracharams (evil practice) and have to be put an end to. Earlier there were joint families which absorbed the weak and the vulnerable, but with nucleus families becoming the order of the day, the widow becomes vulnerable to all kinds of harassment," says Anna.
Sarpanch of Keshavapur village Ramadevi Prolu said, "This will no more happen in our villages. With the help of Bala Vikas, we will move forward for change."
"We met the family (of Venkat Reddy) and talked to the two daughters and son and explained to them how their mother was already undergoing trauma,” says Ramadevi. The children, educated, did not want their mother to undergo another trauma and accepted their suggestion.
"Men are also supporting this programme. There will always be dissensions, but we are going forward to bring about this change," says Ramadevi.
