I think what we really need is a platonic app – which connects like minded individuals and automatically filters all flirtatious messages.
I have never quite understood the hook-up culture. But as with most things I don’t understand, I have watched it with fascination. See, I grew up in the 90s when ‘going out’ with someone you spent a whole year pursuing, was considered the height of coolness. It was also understood by everyone in question, that it was the boys who had to do all the pursuing while the girls held group discussions to arrive at the appropriate time to reciprocate. Now this might sound backward but at least we had clarity (we only played one kind of mind game and everyone knew the rules). Also, our boys put a lot of hard work into said pursuits. It involved intense research, brainstorming with friends, sucking up to the friends of the girl in question - to relay messages and mixed tapes, a lot of waiting, sighing and occasionally, sending longing looks from ten feet away. A boy knew he had made progress when said longing look was returned by our heroine. After this, it was usually smooth sailing with ice cream and conversation. Or ‘chatting up’ as we used to call it.
So this idea that you can now find someone by swiping right, first of all strikes me as incredibly lazy. I mean, if this is the effort people are willing to put into finding each other, I shudder to imagine what they must be like in bed. And since the whole premise of hooking up is the promise of instant sexual gratification, do you get where I’m going with this? But that’s the part I don’t understand. Coming to the part that fascinates me, does the growing popularity of the hook-up culture indicate that people no longer believe that great conversation and great sex can happen with the same person? And if so, are they all really cool with that?
If they are, they might be onto something ‘cause great conversation – the kind that is mentally stimulating and often entertaining – is extremely hard to find. Sex, on the other hand, is not. Not for most women, at least. And since a meeting of minds often leads to great relationships, intimacy and by extension, great sex, I think what we really need is a platonic app – which connects like minded individuals and automatically filters all flirtatious messages. So you can be sure that if someone is still on that app, there is no agenda except to meet people (of both sexes) with similar interests and have great conversation. And in the event that sparks do start flying, you can always take it to Whatsapp. See? Two birds, one stone and all.
Now that’s the kind of app I’d sign up for. Also, just in case you’re thinking I’m judging this whole subculture like an old prude without even trying it, you’d only be partly right (the old prude part). You see, I hijacked a twenty-three-year-old colleague’s Tinder a few days ago and re-set her preferences to suit mine - to, you know, get a better sense of my reality. And the first picture that showed up was a golden retriever. Since I wasn’t quite as ready for something like that, I swiped left. And it said ‘There is no one new around you.’ Incidentally, the same message the universe has been sending me for the last decade, so I’m guessing there is something to this after all.